Opinion

2005 brought its share of silly stories

Here’s my annual offering of some of my

favorite stories or news items during the

year.

? WENATCHEE — A cat leaped from a pickup, scampered through bridge traffic, fell 70 feet into the chilly Columbia River and swam 600 feet to shore before being rescued, Wenatchee Valley Humane Society officials said.

The gray, longhair calico cat with no collar or identification leaped off the Odabashian bridge as humane society officials were trying to catch her and was saved when a passing kayaker pushed her toward another boat which got a noose around her neck and pulled her in.

? CORRY, Penn. — Frank Martin, owner of the Alibi Bar, knew someone was stealing

beer and suspected an inside job, so he took two six packs and wrote “BUSTED” on the

bottom of the cans, one letter per can.

Police called on Ronald Paver, 42, who used to work at the bar and checked his recycling

bin. Sure enough, 10 of the marked cans were inside so they arrested him.

? CLARKSTON — A 300-pound black bear being chased by law enforcement officers

jumped a fence and landed in the backyard of Kim Bedwell, who, during the commotion

tried to stash some marijuana plants under a car in his garage.

He threw one plant over the fence where it landed on police officer Scott Wohl, who

jumped the fence and arrested Bedwell who was found to have four bags of MJ in a

refrigerator in his garage, along with a grow room, and two bags in his house. The bear (alas) was killed.

? ST. BERNARD PARISH, La. — When a Katrina flood victim refused to leave his home without his two bulldogs and eight puppies, and three friends wouldn’t go without him, a Navy crew at a nearby base built a kennel to house the dogs there until passage was arranged for the whole bunch, dogs and all, to be taken to a shelter in Texas. “The guy

didn’t have much to begin with,” said Cmdr. Mark Scovill of the USS Tortuga, “and his

dogs were more important than anything he had.”

? EVERETT — A young woman decided to call off her wedding 12 days before the

event, and her parents, already out $6,700 in advance payment for a reception for 150 at the Echo Falls Golf and Country Club, decided to have a party anyway, only with a different

guest list.

They invited residents of the Interfaith Family Shelter for the homeless, who enjoyed

fancy food, music and dancing and took the leftovers back to the shelter.

? HOOD CANAL — Rob Mead, a commercial geoduck diver, noticed a lone seal

among a group of killer whales as he drove his boat north toward the Hood Canal bridge

so he cut his engine and drifted toward the seal.

Mead said the whales were toying with the seal, pushing him and rolling him over, while

the seal looked up at the crew with big eyes and tried to hide under the boat. The crew

lowered a swim ladder and the seal jumped on.

The whales circled the boat, poking their heads out of the water and eying the seal.

Mead let his boat drift for about an hour before starting the motor and pulling slowly

away.

The whales did not follow and after a quarter of a mile, the seal jumped off.

? BOSTON — Three MIT students set out to show what kind of gobbledygook can pass

academic muster so they wrote a fake computer program titled “Rooter: A Methodology

for the Typical Unification of Access Points and Redundancy” which begins “Many scholars

would agree that, had it not been for active networks, the simulation of Lamport clocks

might never have occurred.”

In April, they got word that the Ninth World Multi-Conference on Systemics, Cybernetics

and Informatics had accepted the four-page paper and invited the students to present it in

person in July in Orlando, Fla.

The invitation was rescinded when the students revealed it was a hoax.

Adele Ferguson can be reached at P.O. Box 69, Hansville, WA 98340.

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