Letters to the Editor

Pirates on Puget Sound? Adele’s been at the grog again

Re: “Pirates on Puget Sound? I’m just saying...” Feb. 13.

Ahoy, all ye landlubbers of the Puget Sound.

Call me Ishmael.

I be first mate on a Somali pirate ship, the SS Paranoid Delusion.

Our captain be a man of adventure, and he says to us one day, he says, “Lads let’s forgo pirating the Gulf of Aden. What with its miles of deserted beaches, it poses no challenge.

“Ye all know how we can patrol these waters for days on end and not see hide nor hair of any military vessel. The pickin’s is just too easy, mateys. “The booty we get from commandeering tankers and freighters be disproportionate to the risks involved. We’re going to move our operation to the most hostile waters, with respect to pirating, that there is.

“I have in mind a narrow stretch of water that is populated on all sides by more than a million pair of eyes and which bristles with naval vessels. And don’t ye be thinkin’ that all that extra risk means I’ll be chasing the big money.

“Quite the opposite me buckos – I intend to pirate ferry boats.

“That’s right, you slimey worms – ferry boats!”

We all thought the captain’s crow’s nest was full of wadding, but we be a loyal crew and so agreed.

The captain instructed us to blend in as best we could. We were told to dress like ye scallywags and to spend the local currency, but I guess one of our boys must have forgotten that second rule and dropped a few shillings at the local Safeway when he was buying powder for our muskets.

Arrrr, as much as it pains me to admit it, old eagle-eye Adele spotted one of our native coins and so foiled our plot, and so it’s back to the Gulf of Aden we return for more boring, but lucrative, pirating.

JOHN CABALLERO

Silverdale

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